MEMORANDUM TO ALL STAFFERS AND REPORTERS
It’s that time of year again, folks! The White House Correspondents Association Dinner is just around the corner, and from the conversations I’ve been hearing in the hallway it sounds like you’re all very excited. Unfortunately from those very same conversations I’ve noticed that some misinformation is going around, so I’ve sent this memo out to clear things up.
Because of the overwhelming celebrity interest in attending the WHCA Dinner, there is not much room for staffers and journalists to attend. There are a few spots available, which we will allocate with a combination of seniority and a lottery system. If you get a spot you will be notified; otherwise, while it pains me to say this, you must assume that you will be unable to attend. I’m very sorry about this, but unfortunately there is nothing that can be done.
For those of you who are attending, there are some new rules and considerations this year that you must bear in mind.
If you are a journalist or a staffer who is not well known to the public at large, you are not to use the entrance with the red carpet. Please use the entrance around the back, over by where the food deliveries are made. If you attempt to use the main entrance you will be embarrassingly turned away.
Do not speak to, or make eye contact with, the celebrities unless they speak to you first.
Do not corner a celebrity, or get between a celebrity and a group of photographers. Serious injury or death could result.
Before you call animal control to report an escaped diseased weasel, please check with the organizers to make sure Mr. Trump is not at the dinner.
Think before you post snide comments to Twitter, lest you hurt someone’s feelings. The Kardashian sisters have just as much right to be at the WHCA Dinner as most of the news show hosts.
The WHCA Dinner is a chance for Hollywood’s greatest stars to come out and shine. Try not to take the spotlight away from them.
While it may be true, it is not the embodiment of bipartisan politeness to point out that all of the conservative celebrity guests at the dinner are low grade celebrities that no one cares about.
If your ticket has a red bar, you are required to laugh at all jokes you hear.
Just pretend that “citizen activist” with the hidden camera is being subtle.
If in doubt, defer to the good looking people.
You may find your table is further away from the stage than it was in years past. This will let you eat in relative peace and quiet, and you can still follow along with what’s happening on Twitter.
Staffers and journalists, remember that while you can go back to fighting and hating each other in the morning, we all have to be friends during the dinner.
A list of permitted afterparties will be distributed to all attendees. Please do not attempt to crash a party that you are not cleared to attend.
Don’t forget to vote for King and Queen of Nerd Prom!
With all this in mind, I hope that everyone who goes has a good time. For those unable to make it we will be serving pizza in the Press Briefing Room with a TV tuned to WHCA Dinner coverage, if you’d like to come.